Truth... Hurt...

If it's the truth, then why did it hurt? Because it's not what you want to hear.
Then, many people prefer lies because it's more pleasant to hear?

Well, I can't read your thoughts. Only your words (actions and gestures). So I fill in the holes with my fears, hopes and prejudices.

... And the truth is.. I miss you....so.

I'm not lying,

Hurt.

Me VS My Ego

 

We hurt each other even in silent. We don’t need to say the words, our eyes were filled with pain already. Maybe it was love. Maybe it was lust. And maybe what hurt the most was the high expectation. The way we hurt each other just to show how we loved each other was tiring, wasn’t it? Memories fade as time goes by or gone, just like that, with no trace. But we always remember how it hurt. I hurt you. You hurt me more. Then we said goodbye when all we wanted to say was ‘forgive me’.The ego has landed.

Sometimes, many times late at night, these thoughts crossed my mind, that our love was like the burning cigarette. It didn’t last that long, and filled with poison. I’m addicted to it. And when I said I’m addicted to you, it means I’m addicted to love and the pain it brings. Even the falling leaf reminds me of us. We are that leaf. Fragile and falling hopelessly, inevitable.

And so I tried to runaway. But every road and street i ran to, always bring me back to the thought of you. I travel to forget us. But every city I go, I can only imagine sharing the view with you, while holding your hand. Every street, every road, every coffee shops remind me of you. I hide inside my heart, and you’re there too. You know what hurts the most? You’re happier with yourself than with me. It makes me think I’m not worth a penny. And, I remember how we talked about our future together. We did it often.

I watched the sun set the other day, and I remembered when you whispered softly to my ear, that you loved me.

Now, I'm watching the sun set and I tellin you, I do loving you and I don't want to look back in anger anylonger.

Do i believe in unconditional love? Yes, I do.

Is loving someone means you’re sacrificing? No. I do it willingly.

I do loving you unconditionaly, and I let you go as same as you did it to me.

We are the lovers who can't be together... Anymore.

.............................

I remember when you talked and called me and whispered in my ear ‘I love you. Marry me. Be mine.’ It was the best dream of my life. The 8 letters were never came out of my mouth. If only you knew how I wanted to say ‘I love you..” But … I choose to stay silent because I just can’t bear the thought and can’t afford of losing you and our friendship.

I should have known the idea of you love me back is a false hope. Yet I kept on hoping. And pretending. I almost love how we’re holding back and never show our feelings and pretend that we’re just a couple strangers. I almost love that. Almost. And that awesome effort I put to hide my feeling so I can see you everyday. Is it worth it? For now that’s all I have. So the answer is yes.

This unrequited love is fun. I smile and enjoy every second of the pain when we’re talking heart to heart. But … Why do I have to ruin something so perfect with fall in love? Why do i have this urge to make you mine? Why?

Do you know that every night i pray to God to make me stop loving you, dear best friend? When you hugged me and said ‘i’m your best friend’ i wanted to scream ‘our friendship is torturing me!’ You laughed the happy laugh. I laughed the bitter one. A laugh that didn’t even reach my eyes. And it’s .. okay.

Then this stupid question popped out of nowhere: If we’re never meant to be, then why did we have to meet at all?

I wish we could look at each other’ eyes and not look away. I wish Cupid would tear off his arrow from my heart.

Why can’t our friendship turns into something sweeter like … love relationship? This is a rhetorical question, so don’t answer it. The answer won’t do me any good. You know what would be a perfectly good day for me? The time I get to call you my lover. I don’t have the gut to say it out loud, and right now you don’t need to know, you are the perfect lover of my heart.

There’s lie in believe. I guess by now you know i lied when i said i don’t believe in love and i don’t love you. I was blinded by the sun. I thought we were having fun. And I thought someday you would realize, you are the one.

I miss the time when we were still friends before i perfectly ruined it by saying things i should not have said. At least, I love you. At least, I have the courage to say it to you. Even though you ran. And gone. I’m sorry.

There is no ‘I’ in love. But there’s ‘i’ in live. And I will live. Even in loneliness. And watching you from afar.

John Mayer was right. I had to choose between friends, lovers, or nothing. It was nothing after i said ‘i love you.”

Usually, I don’t let words hurt my feeling. That night, you came and stabbed me with your goodbye. When my expectation did not meet the reality, all I can do is walking away. Shattered.

#repost

Acceptance

I don't need someone I can go out with. I need someone I can go home to.

I don't need someone to talk about. I need someone to talk to.

I don't need you. I need us.

I don't need perfection. I need acceptance.

The Confession

Brain: "If you think you’re happy just because you live in denial, you are wrong."

Heart: "Are you afraid something happen to you?"

Brain: "Never hold back your true feeling, if you have something to say, then say it. Because you never know if you'll get the chance again"

Heart: "When your expectation did not meet the reality, all you can do is walking away. But, you have to be brave and honest to yourself"

Brain: "Now, do you still think you’re not the real drama queen? Do you think what you’ve been through, all of your pain and your sorrow and the misery that still haunting you to this very moment are not because you won’t let go? Well, then the denial is still there. Trapped within you."

Heart: "Sometimes words are more powerful when feelings are involved...
Say it. State it. Tell it. Mention it!"

Brain: "Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Try to Forgive yourself, face the future. And God will always blessing you"

Heart: "always believe if it’s meant to be, then it’s meant to be."

Brain: "trust your heart. What else can you do?"